"I had deep within me the inability to do nothing"- Colonel Joshua Chamberlain

With headline after headline of disturbing abortion laws being passed and even now going as far as not protecting a baby actually born alive during an abortion, I don't know about you but I am feeling just a little defeated. Morality is looking to be nonexistent and the lives of  the most innocent hang in the balance. I believe now is the time we get off the bench, as Heidi St John loves to say, and start using this life to fight for morality, to fight for the sake of every heart out there who doesn't understand the unfailing never stopping love of Jesus! There is no greater cause!

Here's the thing...I am just a girl who grew up in a normal loving christian home. I have no story regarding abortion in my past and I honestly have lived a pretty complacent christian life for the majority of my life.  Yes of course I've had ups and downs, some wounds that I've had to recover from just like everyone else.  I'm a homeschool mom to five kiddos now which will always be my first priority and ministry outside of my marriage to Jeffrey.  Goodness it takes a lot to run a household of 7 people!   But somewhere along my journey God put in me a desire and fire to fight for women and babies and families with every ounce of who I am. See, God can use anyone, He's just looking for someone to say "yes, I'll do it Lord!".

God truly broke my heart years ago, back when I was just a young 10/11 year old girl, for the babies that were losing their lives, some in such horrific ways it's hard to even talk about. Somewhere along the way though,  He began turning my heart to see this hurting, scarred woman on the other side. The one who chose to abort and now lives with paralyzing guilt and shame, or the one who is stuck in a scary situation feeling hopeless and in no way feels ready to parent, or the one who chose adoption for her baby but it still left a whole in her heart, or the one who was trapped in the very real sex trafficking industry being forced to abort.  My eyes were opened to every one of those girls.  I came to a place where I realized I couldn't ignore "her" any longer. My heart became so wrecked by the injustice of abortion, by the very real scar it leaves in men and women,  that I could no longer sit on the bench and live complacently and pretend I knew nothing anymore!!  I knew God stirred a deep passion within me and I began praying so hard for direction.

I remember seeing a picture one day, of a line out the door of a Houston abortion clinic of several women waiting for their abortion appointments. Later finding out that this clinic performs around 50 abortions every day! In ONE clinic in a city that is FULL of clinics. And where was the outcry?!? My heart broke and we knew we had to do our part! Then in 2014 God did something amazing and He breathed the same dream into my heart and Jeff's heart... to begin fundraising for a Save the Storks Bus for Houston, so that we could then help a local Pregnancy Center launch a new part of their ministry through Save the Storks.  We hit the ground running and God provided in some incredible and unforgettable ways! We are actually still in the middle of this journey and have had the awesome opportunity to raise $115,000, but we are still just waiting for the next chapter, for God to reveal to Jeff and I our next steps. We know He gave us this dream, we know it was only through Him we were able to raise anything so we are fully trusting Him right now, that He will direct our path.

We can hate abortion and injustice with all of our might but until we are so disturbed and so broken for these hurting women and broken families that we decide to stand up and get off the bench, our anger is just anger. Inaction is actually action! If we aren't careful we could miss having meaningful engagement in these things that God gave us a passion for.  We were never asked to sit back, be comfortable and be silent, we are actually asked to stand up and speak clearly. To GO even when it's costly. What if we chose to run to need, instead of running from it. What if we have deep inside of us the inability to do nothing!  What if we were not only at the front doors of abortion clinics but also at the back doors, ready to receive these women who feel far from worthy of love. The number of women affected by abortion is shocking and heart breaking and I have heard too many times from post abortive women, that they feel church is not a safe place to share their stories or to heal. Isn't it time we change that? Can we start offering abortion recovery in all of our churches? We can help you get started! We know the enemy desires to keep us bound in hurt and shame and guilt, because when we truly walk in forgiveness and freedom this is where we can become unstoppable!

Almost a year ago, three of our girls started Tae Kwon Do, a journey that has led them to so much needed confidence.  A couple of weeks ago the girls, along with my son and Jeff, competed in their very first tournament. As you can imagine this came with many emotions and nerves, especially in the girls of the family! Our sweet 11 year old Aubrey was especially nervous and only wanted to compete in two events that came rather easy to her. Just a couple of days before though, all on her own she changed her mind and decided that even though she was very scared that she would compete in combat. Even just at that I was super proud of her. Doing something scared is never easy, especially when you're an 11 year old girl! At the tournament the other three kids competed and they each walked away with a medal. Aubrey was the last one in the family to compete. As the competition began in her ring of girls, we quickly noticed that these girls were way bigger than Aubrey and way stronger, and seemed to be in Tae Kwon Do way more than a year.  My momma heart began to panic knowing everyone else in the family is going home with a medal. She went through the first two parts of the competition doing her best which was amazing, but no medal. She then gets to the combat round, the exact round she did not at all want to compete in. But she went out there ready and facing  a girl much taller and much bigger than her, and guess what?!?! She won that round! You could probably hear me yelling all across the room! That first win put her in the finals. She went up for combat again, and this sweet girl who honestly didn't understand much about combat went and focussed and did her best EVEN though she was terrified and my sweet strong confident girl walked away with a medal for third place in combat! What?!?! To say I was proud is a huge understatement, and it wasn't because of that medal she received. It was because she did it scared, no matter the cost, no matter what anyone thought of her. She went out there and proved she was one courageous girl!

What if more of us showed that kind of courage that Aubrey did.  What if God has stirred something in our hearts but we are too terrified to move because of all of the unknowns. When was the last time you did something scared for the glory of God? Is God calling you to get off the bench, to not be silent any more, to take a stand and get out of your comfort complacent zone. Here's the thing... life is but a vapor. Here today, gone tomorrow. What are you going to do with that vapor? What is God pressing on your heart today that is eternal?

There have been times that I have wished for my heart and my mind to focus on just normal things, for my heart to stop being wrecked over and over by injustices, but honestly I tell God all the time how thankful I am that He put this in me. Because you know what it's made me do? It's made me step out in faith to do my part while I  wait expectantly trusting that God will do His. He never fails, the battle is His so we can take a risk! Those who change the world are those who see a need and decide to do something about it, not waiting for somebody else to do it. Let's be world changers and go all in for Jesus, because life is but a vapor and there is a hurting world who just need to know the saving grace and love of Jesus Christ.

"Justice will not be served until those who are unaffected are as outraged as those who are" - Benjamin Franklin

Romans 12:12-13
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord's people who are in need.

New Year and a New Season

It's been a few years since I've done this, written a blog post. But God has continued to lay things on my heart and this was always such a great place for me to write it all out, reflect and truly listen to what God has been saying to me. 

I'm sitting here, the start of another year, reflecting back on the last couple of years. That's kind of a painful thing to do for me right now. Over the last few years parenting has become harder than ever before. Our 5 kids are now 4, 6, 7, 10 and 11 which just takes my breath away. It was just a few years ago that I had little ones under my feet. My life was birthing babies and nurturing those tiny little people. I remember the exhaustion, the never ending days, the crazy amounts of diapers changed and the ongoing tantrums well. But I also remember the snuggling, the little baby breath on my neck, the little pat of their hands as I nursed them at my chest, their tiny little voices and their need for constant hugs and cuddles. And man I miss it with every part of me. Sometimes I feel like I was made for that season of my life! I was good as a mom of lots of little ones. It was exhausting and fulfilling all at the same time.

Here I am now, entering a totally different season, and season that will bring more and more challenges.  This season is home schooling, figuring out the hearts of all these growing people and what they each specifically need from me, navigating the world of preteen girls and the ongoing emotional roller coaster, sitting on beds and talking and talking when I really can't talk anymore. Honestly I'm feeling drained and I feel like my passion and joy in this journey has dwindled... a lot... more than I care to admit. Yet, I know I'm going to terribly miss this season as well. My time with kids in my home is fleeting, they aren't under my roof forever and I am going to miss THIS with every part of me in the future. So where do I go from here?!?! I want to live intentionally even through the trials and valleys.

The last few days I've prayed and prayed that God would help me start this year better, to fulfill me and sustain me and restore some of that lost joy.  In this moment of feeling like a failure, feeling like joy is harder to get to these days of parenting, God didn't give a list of things I need to get better at...  Instead God sent me a sweet reminder to focus. That's it. Focus on me Kristy, Focus on me Kristy. This is what I keep hearing from that still small voice. He only wants my heart and He never asked me to have it all together and know how to parent and house full of children with perfection. If I did it perfectly, if my kids obeyed perfectly then where would my need for Him come from. In this moment of feeling weak, run down, not the best finisher of 2018, this is where He meets me.

2 Corinthians 12: 9

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."

I will boast because I'm weak, because I'm weak He strengthens me. What a beautiful picture!  He never ceases to amaze me in His constant pursuit of my heart. 

2 Chronicles  16:9

"The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed Him." 

He searches for us, so that He can strengthen us. I do not have to mother in my own strength, in fact I can't!

Entering into 2019 I don't feel overwhelmed at trying to get to that place of being better at everything, instead I feel loved, encouraged and confident that if I remain Focused on Him and Him alone everything else will fall into place and that joy of my salvation will be restored. The joy in mothering will grow once again and He will help me to navigate this journey ahead of loving my family well and along with Jeffrey, leading these 5 precious hearts that He entrusted to us back to the One that created them. Day by day... hour by hour... And what an honor that truly is!

Jeremiah 29:!3

And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart

Hebrews 21:1-2

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking unto Jesus, the [a]author and [b]finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.